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 What kind of India shall we give
to our children? This is a
question that every parent and right thinking person of India is
asking today, in the midst of violence and communal hatred. Even if
physical violence could be controlled by the police and the security
forces, the communal prejudices in the minds of the people cannot be
eliminated by force or punishment. It can only be reduced through
constant interaction and trust-building measures between the
communities. More so, how do we save our children - the decision
makers of the future India - from imbibing prejudice or hatred based
on communities or religions?
Here are some simple tips that may
help you in the building of a tolerant and prejudice-free society for
yourself and your children. These comments are not meant to criticize
any particular community - they are meant for all peace-loving
citizens of this country, but are against those who spread the hatred
- whichever religion or creed they belong to. These are only
suggestions - if you disagree with any of these ideas, please suggest
alternatives, or tell us more measures like these. You can discuss
these matters with your friends, family members, or children.
Being 'Secular' is not being
anti-religion
We have to make our children understand that being secular does not
mean being anti-religion or creating a new religious faith by mixing
two together. You can follow your own faith and yet respect the faith
and practices followed by others. Also, you don't need to stick to
only one kind of cultural identity - you can have a dual or
"multiple" cultural identity while following your own
religion. For example, as a Muslim you could speak Tamil or any other
language, or being a Hindu, you talk in Arabic language - yet it won't
affect your faith.
India belongs to many
communities
We have to understand that a land does not belong to any one faith or
community - it belongs to all who live there, whether they are born
there or have adopted it. So India, for example, does not belong to
the Hindu community alone. People of many religions, tribes, and
races, have been living here for thousands of years. Many cultural
influences such as the Islamic, the central Asian and the European
have enriched India's culture and lifestyle. That is why our
constitution defines India as a secular state where people of all
religions, customs, and castes, have an equal right to live and
profess their culture. And once you consider a country yours, and are
proud to be its citizen, nobody should ask you to leave it or migrate
elsewhere.
Seeds of prejudice at home
We must realize that communal prejudices creep into a child's
mind at an early age. School teachers, friends, family elders, and
media -- all these can be potential channels of a child’s
conditioning. The parents, therefore, must spend some time and effort
to check the growth of their children. Observe them carefully as they
grow, the way they behave, what they talk, what kind of friends they
make, and so on. Invite their friends home and talk to them. Never
discourage your child to have friends from a different community. When
elders are talking in presence of children, make sure that the
conversation does not include your value judgments about any community
or caste.
“Us and them”
It is OK to tell your children about the cultural and
religious identity being followed in your family - whether you are a
Hindu or a Muslim. But whenever you make a distinction between your
culture and that of the other communities, tell your child that all
people and communities are equal in stature. There maybe some
differences because of geographic disparity, but no culture or
community is inferior or superior from any other. If a child or adult
tells you that the people of so-and-so community are 'dirty' or
'crooked', ask them whether this opinion of theirs is based on their
first-hand experience or someone else's views. If you observe a 'bad
element' in any community, does that mean that the entire community is
like that? Can't both bad and good elements be found in all cultures
and communities? Try telling them that all people wish to live
peacefully - they sometimes misbehave due to the conditioning or
circumstances around them.
Why do you look like that?
How do you or your children recognize the people of different
communities? Though many people in modern times no longer wear the
traditional garbs or looks such as beards, caps, turbans, or burqas.
However, some may still be recognized easily as Muslims, Sikhs or
Hindus. Your child may ask why do some people keep a peculiar
traditional outlook - "why are they different from us?" One
may explain as to how different geographic conditions have made them
look or behave differently. Tell your child that she should not always
expect to see people of a certain community in dresses stereotyped to
them. Very often our television or cinema portrays the characters of a
certain community in their typical dresses, behaviours or accents,
which may not always be true. The teachers and parents should device
games and activities in which children from different communities
could be asked to spontaneously play the roles of the 'other'
community, in order to break the community typecasting in their minds.
Can I wear your clothes?
Different communities may dress differently, but over the
years, many new dresses or styles have evolved in India out of the
synthesis of two or more different styles. The same could apply to our
adopting of different food habits, recipes, art, languages,
literature, music, or even architecture. In the medieval times, as the
historical evidences suggest, it was sometimes difficult to
differentiate between people of different communities from their
outlook - for instance most men in the Mughal era wore turbans and
kept beards. Even today, in some rural or urban areas, you may find it
difficult to tell a Hindu lady from a Muslim one as most of them wear
saris or salwar suits. Since we live in a multicultural society, there
is no harm in adopting somebody else's dress code or even language if
we find it convenient, contemporary or comfortable. Sometimes the
geographic conditions may make it mandatory for everyone to follow a
certain cultural norm. For instance, in the coastal region of India,
everybody eats rice and fish, irrespective of their religion or cast.
Enlighten your child to such facts, e.g. the Muslims of Kerala dress
and eat differently from the Muslims of Uttar Pradesh, or the Hindus
of Assam have little in common with the lifestyle of Hindus in Punjab,
and so on.
Children need wide exposure
If you live in a congested mohalla or a colony with all the neighbours
belonging to your community, you may feel comfortable and cozy due to
the neighbours, but don’t assume that your children too need the
same. Give your child a wide-ranging exposure to life. Take her to the
houses or localities of the people belonging to other communities and
cultures, and also to the prayer centres of all religions - mosques,
temples, gurudwaras, churches or others -- during their prayer times
and also when they are vacant. Expose her to books, films, music, and
television programmes, which portray a variety of cultures and values.
Try to travel with your child to as far away places as possible, to
give her a wide-ranging exposure. These suggestions are not meant for
the rich parents only -- such activities can be carried out
inexpensively, and must be considered by all right thinking parents
and teachers today.
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